4 Ways To Gently Romanticize Your Life
“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” —Rupi Kaur
The longest relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself.
In the grand scheme of things we take ourselves for granted, daily. The breath in our lungs, our imagination, the subtle colors in our eyes, the unique way we problem solve, are all taken for granted.
Instead of celebrating the wonder of our God-crafted existence, we allow our thoughts to belittle us, we question our strength, and punish ourselves for having that extra cookie after dinner 😕. Until nit-picking, self-neglect, and low self-confidence become familiar friends.
The God who hung the stars in the sky and who knows the number of hairs on your head (Matthew 10:30) did not create you to be overlooked, to shun your self-expression, or live fearfully without healthy boundaries.
The difficult thing about self-neglect is when it becomes comfortable. Choosing to see our lives as dull and monotonous as we look to others for the assurance that should be grounded within ourselves by God.
As dark as life can sometimes feel, as hopeless as evil may seem, that is not the full story of living. For every darkness there is light. For every boring day, there is an exciting one. And the truth is, we have more control than we think.
Choosing to have gratitude, to see the good in your life, to lean on God when times are uncertain, that is the basis of romanticizing your life. Living each day with intent. Focusing on the little things we can do, create, or eat 😉, are all ways we can choose to let go of self-neglect and step into joy.
When was the last time you woke up and were excited about your day? Where you felt joy for the breath in your body and the opportunities that lay before you. Where you looked in the mirror and felt desirable, strong, and beautiful without anyone else needing to remind you?
Can you sit alone with yourself and feel content, guilt-free? Do you regularly incorporate activities in your life that you love and fill up your “happiness meter”? Do you feel confident in your body, your decisions, and your present path?
Your reaction to the answers to those questions will be very telling.
Coming from the wellness world, my observation is the vast majority of people struggle to invest in themselves without guilt. We barter with ourselves to give permission to include joyful things in our lives. Choosing to see self-love as a treat instead of a natural right.
Learning how to love yourself effectively is so important. Finding acceptance and joy in the beauty that is YOU is paramount to a life well lived. For through that mindset change you unlock the depths of your creativity, your talents, and step closer to living purposefully. Wanting to be someone else is a disservice to yourself and the world. You are so beautifully and uniquely made, 1 John 4:16 talks about how “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”
Romanticizing your life is not frivolous or selfish. It is a way to honor and accept the love God has for you. As a child of a King, you are born with value. The difficulties of life can make us lose sight of that. But by spending time with Him each day, letting His words of love remind you of your value, over time, you’ll start to see it for yourself.
As the quote by Rupi Kaur above says, we show others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves.
Romantic, platonic, familial, work-related relationships, all these relationships learn from the most important and personal one, the one with yourself. Sometimes we need a brush-up on how we treat ourselves. The way we talk about ourselves easily shows the health of that relationship.
Thankfully, if you are reading this, it means you’ve been welcomed into a brand new day with a brand new opportunity to set things right.
I believe the reinvention of self through positive and healthy systems can start at any time and at any age. You don’t have to wait for the new year to become a new you. Reinvention doesn’t have to be a 180, all at once. Start small, start by adding in more joy, more hope, more love.
Whoever you want to become you have to start where you are now.
Here are my top 4 tips to romancing yourself again to gently rebuild your self-confidence and self-love, feel free to add your own into the mix!
How to start romanticizing your life:
#1 Soundtrack
Take a page from Rom-Coms movies. When everything is going well for the protagonist, the music is slow and dream-like. Even before a big twist happens on screen, the flow of the music warns us. Characters have a soundtrack for every activity they do, spurring them on while letting the audience know what to feel.
When changing a mindset, it’s best to start simple. When you are first learning to invest in yourself, try to romanticize your life with your own personal soundtrack. As you are the main character of your story.
- Instead of a screeching alarm in the morning, wake yourself with your favorite song.
- Create a fun playlist around routine tasks you don’t enjoy but know are necessary (like dishes, folding laundry, and budgeting.)
- When you want to feel more productive, play upbeat and happy music that jumps your heart rate.
- When you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, listen to a song that makes you feel beautiful, as though the artist made it just for you.
Create different playlists for different moods. Let the music wash away the negative self-talk that tears you down and makes you feel unmotivated.
Train yourself one song at a time to love what you see, how you do things, and at what pace you do them. Music can be powerful and surrounding yourself with something you love can be a gentle way of boosting your outlook.
#2 Surround Yourself With Beauty
Following that last note, our environment has a strong impact on the way we see our world. When my home is a mess I feel overwhelmed which can kickstart a negative spiral into anxiety and depressive thoughts. And once my mood starts to plummet, it becomes easier to find other things to nitpick.
To combat these negative patterns, take a look at your environment, the places you spend the most time, (likely your home).
- Does it reflect your personality?
- Have you incorporated any décor, trinkets, or objects that you love that bring you joy when you see them?
- Is it a place you’d want to be with a welcoming atmosphere?
You don’t have to tear down your whole house to make changes, again start small. For example, I love things that bring out feelings of hygge: “Hygge is a Danish and Norwegian word for a mood of coziness and comfortable conviviality with feelings of wellness and contentment.”
And much like Crumbfort is our online cozy sanctuary, our home should be filled with these little opportunities for comfort. For me that’s soft blankets that ward off the winter chill, cute teacups, floral scented candles, and frozen cookies in the freezer just waiting to be baked.
At least once a week I like to sit down and make a blanket nest on my bed, have my cup of ginger tea and read my latest book or watch my favorite show.
Be it fresh flowers or clean sheets right out of the dryer, make these changes as practical or aesthetically pleasing as you like. Just start to incorporate items or activities in your space that bring out your joy and make you feel special.
#3 Pamper Day
When something is valuable, you invest in it. Be it time, energy, or resources, if you see value in something, you are more likely to maintain its value. Just like your vehicle needs a regular oil change, you need a regular boost in morale.
In God’s eyes you are the most valuable creation made, act like it! Spoil yourself by doing the things that feel nourishing to the mind, body, and soul.
- Get a hot stone massage and an ice cream cone from your favorite shop.
- Block out time to write out that book idea that has been swimming around in your head.
- Spend time in fellowship with other like-minded people.
- Do your devotional reading at that exclusive new restaurant and indulge in what it feels like to be cared for in the exact way you would want to. More on that in the next step!
Customize this time to anything that makes you feel spoiled and loved. Wear that new outfit that sits in the back of your closet waiting for the right occasion. Break out your favorite perfume/cologne, get all dressed up for yourself, and have a night out on the town. The beauty of this is that it can be anything you want and it proves you don’t need an outside force (another person), to make you feel good about yourself.
If a Pamper Day feels too much, make it a pamper afternoon or hour. Even 15 minutes hiding from your kids in your coat closet eating chocolate meets the standard 😂. Any routine action you take to ensure you don’t devolve into that overwhelmed and underappreciated state makes a big difference.
#4 Take Yourself on a Date
Dedicating time to be with yourself in a setting that feels indulgent and special really sparks self-awareness.
- After a hard day at work, you go to your favorite restaurant and order your favorite meal, with dessert!
- Take that book that’s been lying abandoned on your shelf for 6 months (bookworms…I see you) and go sit in a cozy cafe with a hot tea and finally crack those pages open.
- Stay at home and make a nest of soft blankets and plush pillows and grab out your favorite movie (Under the Tuscan Sun is mine) for some alone time.
Whatever your date night looks like it will show you to what level you have been neglecting yourself. We are constantly bombarded with deadlines, schedules, family obligations, and work assignments. When was the last time you just sat with yourself doing something totally “selfish?”
This date night is for you and you alone to spoil yourself with time and care. Brush up on yourself, ask probing questions, examine your normal routines, and look at where you will be in a year if nothing changes.
Stress, burnout, and overwhelm are where many of us are headed when we ignore our wants and needs. It is okay for it to be a requirement that you need your own space. Romancing yourself with alone time is a gentle way of saying you are valuable.
Final Notes:
Don’t forget to celebrate the wins you have already accomplished, no matter how small. The perspective that you are unworthy, or not enough, or too much does not fit into God’s reality of your true worth. Loving yourself, the core person that you are is an important baseline to establish if you want to improve upon your situation; mental, emotional, or otherwise.
Romanticizing your life doesn’t mean there isn’t room for improvement. Self-acceptance isn’t a scapegoat for complacency. But neither does progress require pain. Little steps forward, subtle changes are what make progress sustainable, and, enjoyable.
A quote from the actress Zoe Saldana embodies this blog post beautifully, if you have a minute hear how she describes self-love.
Something I heard recently that put things in perfect perspective was that “There will always be problems.” No matter what kind of life we lead, there are always opportunities for difficulties to creep in. Those challenges are often where our best learning takes place.
You can easily scroll through Instagram and count all the people who seem to have everything together. You can feel jealous of their success, their beauty, their self-knowledge, or their drive. But even they have their own set of hidden difficulties to face. You cannot compare yourself to someone who does not walk in your shoes.
Injecting romance into your life is a very simplistic way of proving to yourself that despite those difficulties you still deserve to have love and peace. And welcoming God into your life is the best way you can achieve that sustainably.
You are the main character in the movie called “Your Life,” you get to decide how you spend your time and energy, so you might as well have some fun with it!
Until next time, stay cozy!
